


Wanna see that pretty smile, always

by smariee



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Childhood, Coming Out, Explicit Homophobia, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smariee/pseuds/smariee
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak was five years old when he met his best friend, Richie Tozier, although it took a few years for richie to gain that title and for eddie to accept that this boy was indeed, much to his dismay, his best friend.Richie Tozier was sixteen years old when he realised that he liked his best friend, Eddie Kaspbrak, the very same way he’d liked a girl in his maths class just two years before.Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier were forty years old when they both realised there was no where else they’d rather be than in each other’s arms.(Or; it took way too long for Eddie and Richie to tell each other how they felt, but once they did, everything was wonderful.)
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. chasin’ you through the playground

**Author's Note:**

> hi, I hope y’all enjoy this, I’m kind of nervous but this story came to mind because of what I wanted to see more of in the movies I guess.

Eddie Kaspbrak was five years old when he met his best friend, Richie Tozier, although it took a few years for richie to gain that title and for eddie to accept that this boy was indeed, much to his dismay, his best friend. 

Eddie had stuck his hand out, arm stiff as a stick as a way of greeting when the other boy had approached him one lunch time and the boy had wiped his hand on his shorts, hurriedly, before grabbing eddie’s own and aggressively tugging it up and down. Eddie retracted his hand almost immediately, cringing at the foreign stickiness that had planted itself on his skin, still he smiled up at the other boy. “the name’s Richie,” the boy said shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “Tozier.”  
The glasses were a bit too big for his face, the rounded lenses magnifying his eyes into marbles, and the black framing hung over the edges of his eyelids, pulling attention to the freckles that covered his pale skin.  
“Eddie Kaspbrak.” Eddie pushed out and richie seemed to like that, his marble eyes searching eddie’s face frantically, lips smiling wide.  
“Well it is a pleasure to meet you, Eddie spaghetti.” Richie’s grin turned wild as he wrapped his arm around Eddie’s neck, pulling him into his side and digging his knuckles into Eddie’s hair. “I like that. Eddie spaghetti,” Eddie shoved his arms against Richie’s chest, hands balled into fists and Richie released him, “it’s cute.”  
Eddie could feel the frown on his face, “it’s not cute at all, it’s mean. don’t call me that, it’s not my name.” he grumbled, entirely dissatisfied with how this whole interaction had turned out.  
Richie’s smile grew, how that was possible, Eddie wasn’t sure but it did, “Nah, I like it.”  
The bell had rung then and Eddie walked off, not sure what else to do. It was only when he sat back down in class that he noticed how hot his face was feeling, and eddie slapped his hands to his cheeks to cool them down. 

Richie took that as an open invitation to sit with Eddie the very next day at lunch, dumping himself into one of the metal chairs eddie was sitting on.  
The smaller boy looked up at richie, eyebrows creasing in frustration, “what do you want?”  
“Hello to you too.” Richie chimed, grin evident in his voice, “I’m sure you’re pleased to see me.”  
Eddie turned his attention back to the playground in front of them, “what do you want?” he repeated, venom lacing his voice.  
Richie shuffled along the seat, moving closer to Eddie, to sling an arm around his neck, getting a closer look at the boy, patches of light freckles all over his cheeks, chestnut hair curled at the nape of his neck and temples.  
“I just wanna talk, spaghetti.” Richie admitted.  
It was true, for the most part, richie had wanted to talk to the little brown haired boy since he noticed him standing alone yesterday, tiny fists shoved into the pockets of his jacket, kicking at the loose stones in the footpath as all the other kids in the school ran around screaming. Richie knew that the boy was quiet, sat in the front of class and tentatively listened to everything Miss Florence said, sometimes he’d even nod along to what their teacher was explaining. Richie wondered why, and he would try to guess what eddie would nod along to before it actually happened, he was wrong almost every time.  
Eddie normally played in the playground with the other kids, a big fan of tag, constantly running from the other kids smiling and giggling as he looked behind him only to see the other’s a far distance away, unable to catch him.  
Richie wanted to know why, suddenly, eddie was simply watching his classmates play and not running around with them, joining in on the fun.  
Richie must’ve been staring at the boy for a while because Stan had suddenly snapped at him, “Richie either go and talk to him or quit being a creep and help me and bill with this sand castle.”  
Richie peeled his eyes away from the other boy and looked at his friends, stan’s eyes stuck on richie’s face, frown prominent and lips curled ever so slightly, as if he was annoyed. Bill, on the other hand, looked concerned, blue eyes soft, mouth slightly open.  
“Y-y-you okay R-ruh-richie?” Bill questioned, tilting his head slightly.  
Richie launched himself off the ground, clapping his hand together, grains of sand flying away, “no need for the concern, Billy boy.”  
Richie sent his two friends a winning smile before making his way over to Eddie.  
The boy seemed to sense his approach, looking up from the ground once richie was about a meter away, sticking his hand out for Richie to shake, which of course, Richie had politely accepted.  
and when eddie had stormed off, following the shrill of the bell, with a slight blush in his cheeks, Richie had decided he did not want leave Eddie Kaspbrak alone, ever.  
He would talk to him again, the next day.  
Now, Eddie scoffed, pink lips pursing, “alrighty then. talk.”  
Eddie Kaspbrak, it seemed was not interested in what Richie had decided to say to him, for he went straight back to eating his ham and cheese sandwich.  
Richie continued to look at eddie closely, searching his face for any sign of emotion but all that was evident was a scowl.  
“Why aren’t chu runnin’ around anymore?”  
Richie felt Eddie stiffen slightly under his arm, and not sure how to respond to that, Richie removed his arm and began to fiddle with his hands in his lap, eyes still on Eddie.  
Eddie took a gulp in, “My ma doesn’t want me fallin’ over and hurting myself.”  
Richie’s hands froze in his lap, raising an eyebrow, “you’ve never even tripped when you’re running.” He pointed out.  
Eddie looked at him then, whipping his head around so fast that Richie thought it might do a whole three-sixty, mud brown eyes wide. It looked like he was trying to think of something to say, the clogs in his brain working in over time but it was only for a second before the shock disappeared, replaced with that regular scowl.  
“That’s cause I’m a great runner.” Eddie nodded his head, as if to agree with that statement himself and it made Richie smile wide.  
“So then why don’t you go back out there?”  
Eddie began to shake his head, but only slightly, “I don’t wanna upset my ma.”  
Richie frowned a little and then leaned in close to eddie, whispering, “she’d never find out.”  
He snatched the sandwich right out of eddie’s tiny hands and darted across the grass.  
“Hey, come back here,” Eddie yelled after him, shooting into a standing position, “come back. don’t be mean.”  
Richie kept running as he called back, “you’re gonna have to come after me.” He wiggled the sandwich in the air and that’s what got Eddie moving.  
Richie stared as the other boy flew through the playground at quite an incredible speed, one foot bouncing in front of the other and suddenly, eddie had caught him. Richie, however was taller than Eddie by at least a head and so, he held his arm upright with the sandwich hanging from the top. Eddie rolled his eyes and gave a disgruntled sort of growl as he jumped up and down, grabbing for his food.  
Richie grinned down at him, enjoying the way Eddie pulled at his arm with clear effort and still failed every time to bring it down, and then, eddie stopped jumping and shoved Richie in the chest with extreme force for a boy of his size. it caught Richie so off guard that he stumbled backward, tripping over his own feet and hit the ground with his back. Eddie snatched his sandwich right back, “I don’t know why you’re pickin’ on me but I don’t like it. leave me alone.”  
He walked off, stuffing the sandwich in his mouth, leaving Richie with an aching back and a cheeky grin.  
Stan would like him. Richie thought to himself.  
And that was how Richie decided to introduce Eddie Kaspbrak to his best friends.  
The meeting came the following Monday, after the weekend in which richie had told Stan and Bill about little Eddie.  
“He’s great,” Richie had exclaimed, quite randomly as the three of them were playing blocks in Bill’s room.  
They’d given Richie a perplexed kind of look and Stab asked in a narrow voice, “Who?”  
Richie smiled sweetly, “Eddie Kaspbrak, the little one that sits at the front of class. he’s great. you’d like him.”  
Stab shrugged, “Okay, if you say so.”  
It was Bill that had been actually interested in meeting Eddie, “He seems cool, tell him to hang out with us.”  
Richie was ecstatic, “that’s the plan Billy.”  
come Monday, Richie practically had a skip in his step and a gleam in his eyes as he approached Eddie. Eddie stared him down as richie walked over, brows furrowed and eyes squinting and Richie stopped right in front of him.  
“I want you to meet my friends.” Richie stated and Eddie’s eyes softened ever so slightly.  
“I told you to leave me alone.” His voice was still harsh.  
“Yeah, well I want you to meet my friends,” Eddie looked skeptical, perhaps he thought Richie was going to poke fun at him, so he thought of something, “if you don’t like ‘em then you can go and I promise I won’t bother you again.”  
Richie watched as Eddie tilted his head, considering the offer, before he stood up, not even a nod or a simple “okay.” being muttered in acceptance.  
But Eddie glanced at him and in a tight voice said, “Where are they?”  
Richie’s spirits were lifted even further, he knew there was no way Eddie wouldn’t like his friends, Stan and he were too similar to not get along, they could bond over their mutual annoyance at Richie. And everyone liked Bill, everyone.  
Richie walked ahead of Eddie, looking back every so often just to ensure that he hadn’t given him the slip and left him alone. He didn’t, and it only took a moment to reach the sandpit. Richie cleared his throat, gaining the attention of his fellow friends who looked up at him, eyes wide.  
“Bill, Stan,” Richie began, clasping his hands together and then angled them towards eddie, “this is Eddie .”  
Bill got up immediately, smiling softly at Eddie, “H-hi Eh-eh-eddie, nice to m-meet you.”  
Richie saw Eddie’s face soften a bit, lips parting, almost smiling, and he nodded at Bill, “Hi.”  
Stan didn’t get up but he did offer Eddie a half-smile, “Richie thinks I’m gonna like you.”  
Eddie seemed taken aback by this and glanced at Richie, as if for some sort of conformation and Richie just grinned at him. Stan smiled fully then, “I’m sure I will.”  
Eddie let out a small but full sounding laugh and Richie felt a rush of relief, Eddie liked his friends, Eddie wasn’t going anywhere.  
Richie could bother Eddie as much as he wanted to.


	2. there is no gift greater than you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update is super late but things got really hectic and then I went like blind in one eye and then I wrote a whole other fic but now we're in quarantine and I actually have inspiration so here is chapter two finally and I promise more chapters will be coming a lot more regularly

Two years later for Richie’s 8th birthday party, Bill, Stan and Eddie were all invited to Richie’s house ‘to celebrate the birth of our nation’s greatest treasure’, as Richie has written on the invitation. 

“I can’t come.” Eddie mumbled to Richie the very next afternoon after Richie had given him an invitation. 

Richie looked up at him from his crouched position, where he was looking for four leaf clovers in the grass, his brows creasing in confusion, “Is there a reason?” 

Eddie gulped and stared down at the floor, cheeks heating in embarrassment, “My ma won’t let me.” 

And it was the truth. When Eddie had come bounding home, grin plastered on his face as he presented the invitation he clutched in his hands to his mother, she had taken it with a suspicious look on her face and Eddie’s grin slowly fell away as his mothers frown deepened and she ultimately threw the invitation in the trash. “You cannot go to this party, you have to stay home where I can keep an eye on you. Make sure you’re safe.” 

Eddie got his hopes up for a second, “Richie’s parents will be there the whole time, making sure everyone is safe.” 

Sonia Kaspbrak pointed a meaty finger at him, “Don’t argue with me, you’re not going and that is final.”

“But mama,” Eddie whined and his mother’s face seemed ready to burst with anger, so Eddie dropped the subject, sulking into his room and crying into his pillow until supper was called. 

“Your ma doesn’t let you do anything.” Richie huffed, that comical lightness that Eddie had become accustomed to still present in his voice, “How can we celebrate my birth into this world without the great Eddie spaghetti?” 

Eddie laughed, despite the use of the nickname he hated most, “You’ll be fine. Bill and Stan will be there and I’ll bring a gift to school for you.” 

Richie grabbed his arms, shaking him, “No, but I need you there. Can’t you be my gift?” 

Eddie desperately tried to stop the shaking, but Richie was bigger than him and stronger than him, it was as if Richie was growing every single day while Eddie was stuck with the same miniature frame he’d had for almost four years. “Richie let go of me, it’s not my fault I can’t come.” Eddie yelled at his friend and Richie stopped shaking him, hands still gripping his frail arms. 

Richie grinned at him, “Of course not, and why isn’t the lovely Mrs Kaspbrak letting you attend?” 

Eddie winced slightly at his words. He wanted to go to the party, he wanted to leave his house, hang out with his friends outside of school just like every other kid, he wanted to do everything that his mom told him he couldn’t, but he was too scared of what she would do if he ever disobeyed her. “She’s just making sure I’m safe.”

Richie’s hands fell to his side as he scoffed, “Why wouldn’t you be safe with me?” Eddie just shrugged in response, he had given up on questioning his mother’s logic and reasons. “Well tell your mother that I am fully capable of protecting her precious boy.” Richie puffed out his chest, raising his arms in flex, his biceps didn’t raise an inch but Eddie giggled to himself. 

He liked being around Richie, he made Eddie laugh more than he ever knew he could, sometimes he laughed so hard he thought his ribs would crack open from the pressure, it left his insides feeling warm and his cheeks strained from smiling so wide. The past two years had blessed Eddie with a great group of friends, Bill, Stan and Richie were kind, supportive and fun, and although his mom never let him see them outside of school, he never felt excluded or left out, and there was never a dull moment. Still, it bothered him when Richie got too cocky, when he’d start teasing Eddie, and the nicknames, god the damn nicknames drove him insane. 

The bell chimed, signalling the end of lunch and Richie strode past Eddie, “Catch ya later, spaghetti.” He blew Eddie a kiss with a wide grin before turning his back. 

***

As Eddie walked through the familiar streets home that afternoon, his mind wandered with the breeze, as it often did. He had quite a lot of thoughts for a boy of his age, all his teachers said he was a bright kid, that he was full of wonderful ideas and immense creativity, but it had been his favorite teacher, Miss Florence that had described the mind in a way that made Eddie want to never stop thinking. 

“Our minds are a wide expanse of uncharted and unexplored terrain. A landscape, full of wondrous thoughts and marvelous ideas. And tucked under rocks and in the hollows of trees exist secrets and perspectives that some may never even discover within their own mind, however, there are some of us, the ones that spend their nights in deep thought, the ones that sit and ponder our place in the world, the ones that crave knowledge and answers. Those are the people that will unlock the secrets of their own mind and therefore gain access to all the answers they could ever want.” She had said it to him one afternoon when Eddie had tiptoed up to her desk and told her that sometimes he thought so much about his father that it felt like his brain would burst and it made him want to scream and cry until the thoughts disappeared. Eddie was more than grateful for the kind words, it eased his pounding heart and, in an ironic sort of way, enticed more thoughts into his mind. 

He kicked a loose rock and watched it roll across the path. Things were different since his father had passed, his mom especially, had changed. It had begun when Eddie’s dad had first been diagnosed with cancer, his mom had gone into a cave of silence, she left her room only to cook and clean, she said nothing to her husband, nor her son, for almost a month, and then for a week straight, all she did was research. She gathered information on any and every type of disease that a person could possibly contract, it had scared Eddie to a point where he didn’t even try to have a conversation with his mother, instead, he sat with his father, who told him stories about his childhood and what he had envisioned Eddie’s own childhood to be like. By the time Frank Kaspbrak fell into the clutches of death, his wife had become almost a whole new person and Eddie could barely remember the sweet and caring mother he’d once been privileged to have because now, an overwhelming, overbearing, loud and quite terrifying creature had replaced her. She didn’t let Eddie go out anymore, stopped him from participating in sports, told him not to run, gifted him with a strict schedule of pills and medicines. At first, Eddie had argued with her, thrown a tantrum when she told him he could no longer run or play tag, but Sonia had stared him down and in an unnervingly calm voice said, “Eddie bear, if you do not listen to what I say and do what I tell you to do, then you’ll end up just like your father. Do you want that?” Eddie, of course, shook his head, far too afraid and unsettled to say anything. 

Richie Tozier had approached him not two weeks later, and there were not enough words that Eddie knew to describe how unbelievably thankful he was for that, he couldn’t imagine how he would have survived his mother and the past couple of years without his friends by his side. 

Something on the ground caught Eddie’s eye and he crouched down, sticking high out of the ground was the biggest four-leaf clover he had ever seen. He smiled to himself, he could picture Richie picking the clover up and in one of those stupid voices say something like, “Eddie, my boy, would ya look at this. What a sign of luck the world has bestowed upon us. I would offer it to you, but you’ve already met me, you need no more luck.” Eddie felt his smile grow as he pulled the weed from its home in the dirt and twirled it in his fingers. He kept it in his hands as he continued his way home, careful not to crush it. 

*** 

Eddie had a skip in his step and a wide grin on his face as he made his way to school the next morning, and clutched in his hand was a small paper bag, the gift he had prepared for Richie, swinging as he skipped. 

“Spaghetti!” Richie’s voice called from in front of him as Eddie pushed open the gate to school. Eddie’s smile was growing before he even saw Richie, he looked ahead and saw Bill, Stan and Richie sitting in a small, huddled circle to the side of the sandpit. Richie waved him over eagerly, a wild look of excitement on his face and Eddie hurried his step, eager to see what had his friend’s attention. “Look what I got!” Richie exclaimed when Eddie was stood just above the group. 

Sprawled in the middle of the group was ripped apart, blue-colored, paper and right in the centre was a stack of thin paper books. The top one had a shiny kind of surface and printed in bold red letters were the words, ‘The Amazing Spider-Man.’ 

Eddie’s brows furrowed, “What is it?” 

Richie’s head whipped around and Eddie stumbled back in shock and slight fear. “What?” His eyes were practically the size of saucers, “What is it? What is it! What do you mean ‘what is it’?” He mimicked Eddie’s small voice. 

Eddie’s frown deepened further and his ears burnt up in anger, “I mean I don’t know what it is. Tell me what it is don’t be rude.” 

Richie blinked at him silently, perhaps he wasn’t going to say anything. Bill and Stan were still, staring between the two, before Bill finally spoke, “I-i-its a c-comic. D-don’t you n-n-nuh-know em?” 

Eddie’s stomach filled with an uneasy nausea and the anger he had felt barely a second ago swindled into something more like nerves, “No, I-I don’t.” He looked back at Richie who was still staring at him with a blank expression, mouth hanging low. “I’ve never seen one before. Mama doesn’t let me have them.” 

That seemed to snap Richie back into reality and he was jumping from the ground, arm wrapped around Eddie’s shoulders before Eddie could even blink. “Now, Eddie,” Richie began in a voice that reminded Eddie of his grandfather, “Eddie, my boy. Now how could you not have told me this? How could I not have known this information? We’ve got some work to do. You have some learning to do and I’ve got some knowledge to gift.” 

Eddie smiled, “But my ma-“ 

Richie clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shook his head, disapproving, “No, no. No. What I say is what matters, and I say, you’re going to learn about every and any comic I deem necessary. It is my birthday after all.” 

Suddenly, Eddie remembered the gift he held in his hand, he pushed it towards Richie, “Here. Happy Birthday.” 

Richie took the bag, batting his eyelashes and squealing, “For me? For me! Spaghetti, you shouldn’t have.” 

As Richie peered into the bag, head hovering atop the small opening, Eddie felt his heart racing, he wasn’t sure why he was so nervous but for some reason he was worried. Would Richie even like his gift? Was it good enough for him? It definitely wasn’t as special or as grand as this comic thing. And maybe Eddie didn’t know the other boy at all, if he hadn’t known what a comic was, what else didn’t he know about Richie. But his concerns were put to rest when Richie pulled his gift into the air. 

“W-wow.” Bill breathed from his place in the dirt. 

Stan narrowed his eyes, repeating Eddies own question from moments ago, “What is it?” 

Eddie had placed the four-leaf clover he found into a small glass box, the box itself was actually a magnifying box which made the four-leaf clover appear as if it was 3D from certain angles. In the card, he had written a simple message, a joke he was hoping Richie would appreciate, ‘Dear Richie, I am LUCKy to have you in my life. From Eddie.’ 

Richie’s grin was wider than Eddie had ever seen it when he glanced up from the card, “It’s beautiful is what it is. One of a kind. I know just the place to put it.” He ruffles Eddie’s hair lightly, “Thanks spaghetti, shame you won’t be seein’ it at the party.” 

Eddie’s heart stung a bit at that fact, but he focused rather on the big grin that Richie was still giving him and how proud he was of himself for making Richie so happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I know they're pretty short right now, but ya know you gotta work up to the plot. I really liked writing this chapter and am pretty proud of the ideas and some of the dialogue so yeah, hope you enjoyed.


	3. take my hand, help me forget this cruel world

It was when Eddie was 9 years old that he first heard the word ‘queer’ directed at him as an insult. It was the same day his mother gave him his aspirator. 

Eddie was in his room, playing with the of the puzzles Stan had got him for his 9th birthday, the picture on the box told him that it was meant to be a small blue finch. So far, Eddie couldn’t see how that was going to happen, the mess of pieces in front of him was hurting his brain a little. 

“Eddie bear.” His mother’s voice was harsh as it broke through his peaceful silence, causing him to wince. “I have something for you.” 

Eddie gave his puzzle a quick glance over before he walked out of his room. Sonia was in the kitchen, a small white pharmacist bag placed on the edge of the counter. He tried to keep the frown off his face, he was already on so many medications that he had to wear a fanny pack everywhere he went, and the watch on his wrist was set to remind him every time he needed to take them. Richie thought it was absolutely hilarious when Eddie had shown up to school with a fanny pack clipped around his waist. It took the other boy almost ten minutes to stop laughing like a maniac only for him to look, point and burst out laughing all over again. It made Eddie miserable.   
  
“What is it?” Eddie chimed, looking towards his mother instead of the looming bag. 

She smiled down at him, a moustache of sweat present just above her lips, “Remember the doctor’s appointment you had last week?” 

Eddie nodded his head. 

Of course he remembered that. 

Last Thursday, in class they had been learning about germs and the various infections and diseases you could catch if you weren’t careful with your hygiene. Eddie hadn’t been comfortable with the topic to begin with, the pictures in the textbooks were disgusting enough that they made his stomach squeamish and he became acutely aware of how long it had been since he had washed his hands. And what about the book? The pages his fingers were planted on? The desks? They were always sticky. What kind of diseases were crawling around unseen on them? 

Eddie’s heart began to beat faster, he could feel it in his chest, begging to burst open and it terrified him. He didn’t notice that he was barely breathing until Bill leaned over next to him and whispered, “Eh-eh-eddie are yuh-you o-okay?” 

Eddie turned to look at him and realized that there was no air coming into his lungs, he couldn’t breathe. He started panicking, tried to open his mouth to let the air in, and he began to hyperventilate, his chest rising and falling too quickly for his lungs to keep up with. 

“Eddie,” His teacher called from the front of the room, “Eddie, what’s the matter?” 

His classmates had gone utterly silent, the only sound filling the room was Eddie’s wheezy breathing and it made him cry. The tears excruciatingly hot as they rolled down his cheeks. He couldn’t even think of words to say, not that he would be able to get them out anyway.

It was Bill, of course, that had stepped in to help him out, “S-sir, c-c-can I take him to th-the nurses of-fice?” 

Mr Farrow nodded, a concerned frown present amongst his bushy eyebrows, “I think that’s a good idea, Bill.”

Bill helped Eddie to the nurses office, clutching his arm tightly the entire time and mumbling reassuring words such as, “Its o-okay.” and “Y-y-you’re g-gonna be fine.” but it didn’t help Eddie at all, his throat hurt, his chest hurt, his lungs hurt. The nurse sent Bill back to class and led Eddie to sit down while the office clerk called his mom. 

“Okay Eddie, sit down.” The nurse’s voice was soft and sweet, soothing Eddie almost immediately. She held something small and plastic in her hand that she began to shake, it rattled almost like a baby’s toy, “This is an aspirator, okay? I’m going to need you to breathe in deeply when I tell you to.” Eddie nodded. 

Eddie opened his mouth and the nurse told him three times to breathe in and out as metal tasting air made its way down his throat and into his lungs. It felt like they were finally opening up again, his heart calmed and his breathing returned to normal. 

“Better?” The nurse asked, Eddie nodded again, and the nurse offered a kind smile, “Good. Go get some water and wash your face for me.” 

Eddie hopped off the small bed, towards the sink and splashed some cool water onto his face. It felt nice, refreshing and extremely calming, at least until he heard his mother’s bounding footsteps on the wooden floor and her overbearing voice screeching, “Where is he? Where is my boy?” And upon seeing him, pulled him by his wrist into a tight hug. “Oh thank god. I was so worried. Come on, we’re going to the doctor’s right now.” 

She didn’t even stop to talk to the office nurse, just ushered Eddie away from school and towards her car. 

“Mama, I don’t need to go to the doctors.” Eddie said, “I feel fine.” 

Sonia didn’t even look at her son, “I don’t care how you feel. You don’t know what is going on inside your body, there could be something very wrong.” 

Eddie stopped walking and his mother was pulled back, “Mama I don’t want to go to the doctors. I’m fine.”

She took in a breath, clearly annoyed with her son but kept her face as blank as possible, “Eddie, do you know that your father didn’t want to go to the doctors either. He said he was fine.” Her voice began to break slightly, “Perhaps if we had gone earlier.” Sonia Kaspbrak turned away from her son and Eddie’s heart softened, “Please Eddie, just one visit, just to make sure you are okay.” 

Eddie’s voice was small and quiet as he answered, “Yes, mama.” 

The doctor asked him what happened, how it had felt, what did the school nurse do and Eddie politely answered all their questions, giving all the right details and making sure they understood that he felt fine now. When they were done with the questions the doctor took his blood pressure and did a final check-up before he asked Eddie to wait in the reception area while he talked to his mother. 

Eddie didn’t touch anything in the waiting room, his mother had told him that they never cleaned any of the toys or books that were offered for the children, they were probably the dirtiest objects a person could touch. Instead, he washed his hands thoroughly at a sink then sat in one of the chairs, fiddling with his fingers in his lap, a habit he was sure he’d subconsciously picked up from Richie, who was never not doing something. 

His mother seemed to talk to the doctor for a while, that, or the infuriatingly boring music that was playing made it feel as if Eddie was waiting forever, but she finally appeared with a folded piece of paper in her hand and a sort of smug smile on her lips. 

Sonia smiled again at Eddie now and inclined her head to the paper bag sitting on the kitchen bench, “Well your aspirator finally came in. It’s for the asthma.” Which was the diagnosis his mother had told him the doctor had given. What he’d experienced in class was an asthma attack. “It’s similar to the one that school nurse used, but easier to carry around. So you can take it with you everywhere.” 

Eddie was hesitant, he didn’t want to take the bag, he didn’t want to use the aspirator, he didn’t want to have asthma. The other kids at school already had so many things to tease him about. 

And suddenly he could feel his chest tightening again, lung squeezing, throat closing. He lunged for the bag, revelling in the way the metallic air opened his lungs. 

He couldn’t place the look his mother gave him but her voice sounded sickly sweet as she said, “Good boy, Eddie. It will make you feel better, remember that.” 

***

Eddie had been such a good boy that Sonia allowed him to go play with his friends. Eddie was ecstatic as he clipped his fanny pack around his waist, placing the small aspirator into the mix of bandaids and medicines. 

“Thank you mommy!” He exclaimed as he hurried towards the door and into the open air. He took a deep breath in, and smiled wildly to himself. He was excited, more excited than he ever had been. What would they do? What did his friends have planned? Would they go to Bill’s house and play with the cars and blocks he had? Would they go to a comic shop? Flick through the comics? Imagine and discuss what their super powers would be? Or best yet would they go to the barrens? Explore the wilderness? He had missed out on so much before but now he would finally be a part of the fun. 

As he turned a corner he saw Richie running towards him, “Eddie.” Richie was grinning like a maniac, speeding towards him and Eddie was slightly concerned that Richie was going to run right over him. Thankfully the boy came to a screeching stop in front of Eddie, cheeks blushed with heat, “Billy said you’d be joining us today.” Eddie frowned a little. “You called him and he called me. So, what’d you do? Sneak out? Tell your mom that you were going to the library? Extra readin’ for school?” 

Eddie smiled. Did Richie really think he was even capable of sneaking out? Eddie wouldn’t try it in a million years. “No, Rich. She let me go out.” 

Richie gave him an exasperated look, “What? The witch finally let her precious princess leave the dungeon?” 

“I’m not a princess.” Eddie’s smile dropped, “And my mom’s not a witch. Don’t be rude.” 

“Aw come on, spaghetti, I’m just playin’ with you. I’m excited that you’re free to hang with us.” Richie reached down and ruffled Eddie’s hair.

He batted the hand away, scowling and ready to tell Richie off, but he was cut off before he could say anything.

“Well, look what we’ve got ‘ere.” 

Eddie knew the voice, recognized that harsh and horrible tone, the thick accent. He was panicking before he even saw the face of Henry Bowers, frozen, Richie’s tall frame was blocking Eddie’s sight so he couldn’t see Henry but he could see the other two boys that flanked either side. 

“Couple o’ fucken queers.” 

Eddie knew the word, had heard it before from his mother when she was reading the newspaper, murmuring disapproving statements, she was never angry, she always sounded more disgusted. Eddie had asked her what the word meant and she had never given him a clear answer, just told him they were dirty creatures he ought to stay far away from.   
  
Richie turned around, stepping to Eddie’s side, exposing Eddie to the terrifying view of Henry Bowers. This was not good, this was bad, he wanted to run, his breathing was shortening again. 

Henry walked towards them, the boys surrounding them, trapping them in a circle of hell, Henry’s snarl full of pure evil causing Eddie to step back, bumping into Richie accidentally. Eddie tripped over his own feet and if it weren’t for Richie grabbing Eddie’s arms he would have fallen right to the ground. 

Henry cackled shortly, an unnerving sound, “Do you know what queers like you get?” He spat, “You get what ya fucken deserve.” 

Henry shoved Eddie aggressively and the boy’s back met Richie as he fell, the two hitting the ground together. The wind was knocked out of Eddie, he could not breathe at all as he looked upon Henry pointing something sharp down at him. A knife, he was holding a damn knife, one eye closed and tracking the knife in the air as if he was planning where to cut Eddie open. If Eddie could breathe, he would have screamed. 

There was the sound of a car that hit Eddie’s ears, the hum of the engine, screech of the tires and yell of the horn. Eddie had never heard anything so beautiful. 

“Henry we should leave.” One of Henry’s goons said. Henry didn’t move an inch, expression remaining. “Henry!” 

The older boy growled but pocketed his knife, “You faggots better watch your backs.” He spat again and it fell into Eddie’s face, before he ran off, buddies in tow. 

*** 

“Eddie.” Richie shook the other boy, his eyes were open, there were tears streaming down his face and his breathing was ragged and short like he was trying to breathe too fast. “Eddie, what’s wrong?” That was a stupid question, a stupid question he obviously knew the answer to but he didn’t know what else to say, he had never seen Eddie like this before. “Eddie. Say something.” 

Eddie’s hand, Richie noticed, was desperately fiddling with the zipper to his fanny pack. Richie ripped it open. There was something new in there and for whatever reason, he figured that was what Eddie needed right now and so he pulled it out and passed it to Eddie, watching as his friend shook the object and then placed it in his mouth, breathing in. 

Eddie sat up, placing the medicine back into the pack and Richie stared at him, “Well go on.” Eddie said.

“Huh?” 

“Make the joke.” 

“What joke?” Richie frowned. 

“A joke. Any joke.” Eddie snapped. 

Richie sat down to face Eddie, pulling at the loose hem of his shorts, “I don’t have a joke. What was it?” 

Eddie’s head dropped, gaze towards the ground, “It’s asthma. That’s what it’s called. I had an asthma attack. That’s it.” 

“Are you okay?” Richie didn’t take his eyes off Eddie as he nodded. He leaned forward and punched Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie frowned at him, pout on his lips. Richie cracked a smile, “I thought you were dying.” 

Eddie blinked at him for a moment before he smiled wide, brown eyes gleaming in the sun’s rays. Richie liked looking at Eddie, he wasn’t sure why, but Eddie was like an ever-changing painting, pleasing and calming to just sit and look at. 

He stood up, brushing the dust on his shorts and offered a hand to Eddie, “Come on, Eds.” 

“Eds?” Eddie said, confused. 

Richie shrugged, “Sounds nice doesn’t it?” 

Eddie took his hand, “It does not.” He scoffed but there was a small smile present that gave Richie all the confidence he needed. 

That night, Richie asked his dad if he could teach him about asthma, how to help someone that had it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii. hope you liked the chapter. idk if you can tell or not but I didn't exactly do a lot of research on asthma nor do I know how doctors tests really work but um yeah I am thinking that it still works. also don't even ask me what time this is set in cause I don't really know myself, it's just a completely fictional time and reality. anyway yeah chapter four is already in the works and I'm really happy with how this is all going, thank you for the support.


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